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i really dont want to be here. I just want to go home. But if i leave here fadhel will come and i have to go to his parents until 4 so i guess i choose this.
I�dont know what the fuck is wrong with me but i feel like im just getting worse and worse through out the day.
I just want to feel like everyone else, but then agian maybe everyone feels this way but no one says so... Who the hell knows.
i want fadhel to hug me longer, i need him
I dont want to have to tell fadhel im feeling upside down
I dont want to get n e worse than this, i dont think either of us can handle that.
I want to get a grip on myself and STOP sliding down.
I want to control whatever this is
i just want to know what this is...
I�dont even know what to say, im not thinking anything... Well i am im thinking LOTS�of things. Im thinking how i dont have a family, i midaswell have been an orphan. Im thinking how can some one love and want me. Im thinking we are having a baby.
My mom says i really miss you, well why dont u STOP being selfesh spend the money u spend on phone cards and come see me and her grandson. No one came to see me after i gave birth, my mom came for umm 45 min which made no fucking sense she could have chose a better time and stayed, good thing i dont NEED�her. My dad never calls, guess he doesnt want me either. If my own family doesnt want me or truly love me how can n e one else??
Thats why i dont truly know if fadhel loves me, maybe because i dont love myself, i dont even know myself. If i did love myself wouldnt i be happier?? Wouldnt i smile a real smile....
maybe i dont know how to love because i never truly had it.
I am at work and i cant stop myself from crying. Or atleast looking like im getting ready to cry.
Ammar looks like Islam............
I miss Ammar :o( i barely seen him yesterday and just to get him ready today. I miss him.
I wish Islam was dead ( not really�) but atleast then i would have a reason of why Ammar doesnt know him.
FUCK


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